Supperin's Blog

30 daaaays

supperin — Tue, 01 Mar 2011 01:08:47 +0000

15 facts. Not posting on facebooook yet, gotta remember them somehow.

1) I’m Erin
2) I’m reallllllll quiet if i don’t know you, i’m not big on making new friends but i’ll warm up to you eventually
3) I’ll probably never text you first, don’t think it’s because i don’t want to talk to you cause that’s not it
4) i LOVE chick fil a<3 I eat it on a weekly basis. It's really unhealthy but i'm addicted
5) I'm always focused on my future, i'm gonna do something great with my life
6) My dad died when i was in 8th grade, you'll NEVER hear me talk about it other then right now because I hate when people feel sorry for me.
7) I believe there is a God and you should be a good person, but i don't think or care about any of the technicalities that come with a specific religion. So i guess you could say I'm a nondenominational Christian? I don't really know.
8) One day I'm gonna travel the world and I want to go to Europe for a semester of college
9) I couldn't make it a single day without my best friends
10) I'm always down for a good time

Note to Self: Insight

supperin — Sun, 27 Feb 2011 23:36:45 +0000

Don’t forget this. Don’t forget how it feels to have your head on straight. Being a good person means doing the little things, like saying hello and holding doors. Remember how it feels after you’ve helped someone. Remember that what you say and do always affects people, whether you are aware of it or not, and whether it is good or bad. I want to be remembered as someone who could inspire, someone who could lead. A good person. I am a Christian. Nondenominational. I do believe there is a God or higher power that created this world and I believe you should do the right thing always. I do not, however, believe or want to worry about any technicalities. That’s just it. I also don’t want to force my religion on others but I would be willing to share my thoughts with you. Always treat others with kindness, because everyone is struggling with a battle of their own. Don’t sweat the small stuff, it will work itself out. Share. Be patient. Life really is short, just be happy. Always remember that it’s the way you look at things, try to have a positive outlook. What do you want to be when you grow up? Happy. Simple as that. It is all that matters. Let people in, trust them until they give you a reason not to. Trust your instincts. Be in the world, not of* the world. Don’t stress over guys. There will be so many more in your life in the upcoming years. All the stuff that feels like the end of the world in the moment, will be forgotten a few short moments later. Don’t forget that. Don’t forget how this feels. Remind yourself constantly of how you want to live your life. Be who you want to be, who you would be proud to be. Be someone your dad would be proud of. You can change. You will change. Take it day by day, one small step at a time. Be in the moment, don’t worry about tomorrows troubles today. Tomorrow will bring more troubles of it’s own. Always remember.

inspired.

supperin — Wed, 23 Feb 2011 00:26:50 +0000

currently have this song stuck on repeat. lyrics=perfect.

every word you say to me uncovers your hypocrisy, your lips are filled w sugar, but your taste is bitter sweet. I don’t wanna throw away the time we spent, or mess we made together. I think we’re better.. alone.

we started out w chemistry, you finished every breath for me, but now the air is changing… i reach in, you pull back, it’s awkward, we know that it’s gone so wrong.
I should knoooooooow, I’m better off without you.. but i can’t let go when you’re in my arms. How do i fall out of love, how do i fall out of love, without you?

we’re on a different frequency, we argue or just disagree on simple things, we pull each others strings. I’m turning into something i don’t wanna be… you always find a way to bring out the worst in me.
I shouuuld knoooooooow, i’m better off without you, but i can’t let gooooo, when you’re in my arms. How do i fall out of love, how do i fall out of love, without you?

Gottta find out who i am, without you. Take a little time to figure out the lying and the cheating.. what keeps heart my beating, without you, without yooooooou

I shouuuld knooooooooooow, I’m better off without you.. But i caaaan’t let goooo, when you’re in my arms.. How do i fall out of love, how do i fall out of love, without you?

NERVOUUUUUS

supperin — Wed, 02 Feb 2011 22:33:28 +0000

Freaking the fuck out! Oh my goooooooooooooooooood. I’m so nervous…. I can’t even explain to you how nervous i am. My heart is literally pounding, as it has been for like an houur now and i can’t focus on anything but this. So scared of getting embarrassed or awkward silences or just a bad night in general… kinda just want it to be over with. SO FRICKIN NERVOUS. ok def want it to just be over with. The suspense is killing meeeeeeeeeeee. I think i literally might die right now. JESUS CHRIST I’M SO FRICKIN NERVOUS! SOMEONE SAVEEEEEE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE ((

:)

supperin — Thu, 30 Sep 2010 22:31:12 +0000

So everything I’ve blogged about at this point has been me complaining about pointless issues and such. But today I’m in a good mood
It’s been raining all weeek long! Usually I hate the rain, cause it ruins my plans and stuff but at the moment I lovelovelove x 97849834980 rain. My practice was cancelled all week long and we had a two hour delay this morning. Two more hours of sleep )) And the rain just puts me in a relaxed mood in general. It’s so nice. Duuude this week has just been good overall. Stayed home on Monday. Tuesday Briana came over & we ended up going to the mall. Wednesdaaay, Bri came over and then I hung out with my best friend Francesca ! Finallly. AND got to see Aaron Chong ! I missed them so much. Menchville friends just don’t compare. Todays kind of just a chill day. I’m about to snoooze, this rain is making me tired. Tomorrow is homecoming, well dinner for me and my friends. It should be fun. Ignore earlier post* I was in an extremely bad mood. Anywaaaaaaaaaaayz.
Hahhahah I’m about to sign off forrreal but I just read a hilarious facebook group “Black people started wearing their pants low and white people called it “saggin”. What does saggin spell backwards? …Those tricky white people “

Overdoing it

supperin — Sun, 19 Sep 2010 04:46:36 +0000

Whenever i start back up with something i forgot about, i end up using it A LOT for like two days and then forgetting about it all over again. So i’ll probably have like 29u4920u4 blog entries within the next two days and then like nothing until six more months pass and i rediscover it.
Anyways, time for complaints.
So, school this year- i’m not feelin’ it at allllll. For some odd reason i actually got a little bit excited again about starting school, but then i got there on the first day and i was back to hating it. I must have been out of my freaking mind when i signed up for two AP classes. Psych isn’t so bad, but APUSH is killing me. I hate it. There is SO much reading, which I expected but i didn’t expect it to be so hard to get through. It takes me a minimum of two hours to get it done when i don’t even read it! I just do the assigned homework for it. Actually reading and processing the information takes about four hours. Four hours spent on one classes homework. Plus six other classes. 1 of which is AP, 2 Honors, and Spanish 3. Thank God the other two are easy; Reg. Alg 2 and Dance P.E. I dropped out of Alg 2 Trig after the first day, haaah that was insane. The only problem with dropping was that there is no Honors Alg 2 offered, so I’m in an avg. class with mostly kids that don’t apply themselves at all. At. All. But whatever, better then failing I suppose. Dance P.E. is actually fun. I was originally supposed to be in Team Sports 2 but i got extremely lucky and was offered to make the switch. I thought it would be dancing to stupid jazz music and doing classical moves but we actually listen to rap while doing classical moves. It doesn’t exactly fit, but i love it.
On top of all my school work, i also am playing on the JV team again even though i swore i wouldn’t. So I have practice right after school from 3-5 everyday. You don’t even know how tiring it is to wake up at 5:45 a.m. every morning, go to all those classes, run like three miles and do drill after drill at practice and then come home and do homework until i finish which is usually around 11 like every night. Yeah, i do that for five days straight. And during those five days I am pretty much in the worst mood ever. Writing all this was completely pointless, but I would just like to explain what my weeks are like. They suck. And i basically hate school and cannot wait to graduate in three years. And it makes me want to cry when i think about how we’re still in September, the very first month of school. So it’s only going to get harder from here. And I have like nine more months to go.. Almost an entire year. AWESOME. K, all done.

blogging

supperin — Sat, 18 Sep 2010 21:06:18 +0000

So, when I originally made this is was only because it was the only site that wasn’t blocked on school computers and i was bored in journalism. But i think i might start using it as an actual blog. Mostly for venting probably, cause writing about it always makes me feel better. I’m counting on the fact that no one will actually read this so i will be able to state my true feelings, but on the off chance that anyone actually does come across it, you should know some things.
1) I’m not as mean as I may sound in my blog. It’s just as i said before, i usually write when i’m angry. So you’re seeing the worst side of me.
2) I try not to cuss very much, so for anyone looking at this thinking about what a foul mouth i have, I don’t. This is the only place i’ll actually use that kind of language.
Well i guess that’s all you need to know actually. So numbering it was kind of pointless. Oh well. Anyways, Blog one, here it goes.

11 things youd like to say to people but will never be able to.

supperin — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 18:48:32 +0000

I saw this on another website and thought it’d be a good way to get frustrations out. Ha, it helps, trust me. It’s also a work in progress. I add on to it as I go, and it’s not just eleven haha i’ve expanded. Some are directed to the same exact person, just different frustrations or loving emotions at different times.

1) I’m tired of the bull shit, point blank. Quit playing me. I try to be nice and I try not to upset you but you don’t even think about what you say to me or how I will react. Day after day I’m angry with you and I never say anything, because I don’t want this to end before it starts, but I don’t know how much longer I can handle the way you treat me. How many girls are you talking to right now? I already know the answer, more then one, that’s for sure. It’s clear to me I’m wasting my time although I’m sure it isn’t clear to you. I’m done now though, fuck your feelings. Things are changing. OLD

2) I don’t understand why you’re changing everything around us. I know this is hard for you to deal with and it’s hard for me too but replacing things that were so familiar and trying to forget doesn’t help anything. You don’t even notice how much I am struggling. I’m wearing this smile I don’t believe in and I know you are too. I wish we didn’t have to hide our true feelings around each other in fear of someone becoming upset. It’s not fair to either of us. You’ve shut me out though from what you’re thinking, you say it’s just time for change, it was coming anyways. There’s only so much change that one can handle though and sometimes I think this is your way of dealing with things. I feel bad that you’re going through this alone and I can’t decide who got the short end of the stick. But all this change only confuses me further and I’m terrified of forgetting how things used to be. I want to understand. OLD

3) I love you. You are my best friend. But I have other best friends too, and they don’t lie to me. I never know if what you’re saying is true or not and whose word to take. I’d like to believe that you tell me everything but I’d just be lying to myself because I know you leave things out. You change stories around, you skip over important details and twist things. You are as mean as you possibly can be to people just for fun and you take things too far. You never take anyone else’s feelings into account, you make absolutely everything about you. You don’t think about what you say unless you are intending to hurt someone, though you do it without even trying just as well. I’d give anything to be able to read your mind, to know what you’re really thinking, because I know I can’t trust you. Best friends though, right…? OLD

4) You’re always on my mind, every second of every day. It’s been eight months, it only gets harder. I’m so angry. I am waiting for things to be normal again and it’s a lost cause. I just wish you were here.

5) You are my everything. I love you more then anything and anyone and there is nothing i wouldn’t do for you. I know i don’t show it very well, but I appreciate you more than you can imagine and you’re all that i have. You make me so angry sometimes, anger so strong i didn’t even know it was possible for any one person to feel that way. But in the end, i love you, forever.

6) Oh, heyy best friend. So you annoy the shit out of me, and you’ve been known to make a few mistakes. But honestly, despite what everyone else says about you, you are the definition of a best friend. I love when we’re just hanging out on school nights, being silly and annoying my mom. It’s the funnest time in the world. I don’t have that kind of fun with anyone else. I tell you everything and you always say the right thing. It’s so easy to be myself around you. I couldn’t imagine losing you, i would be like losing a part of myself. You’re crazy and unpredictable, but its one of the things i love most about you. You have me laughing so hard i’m crying usually, you’re just so funny. You’re my favorite, haaah. I love you, best friend<3

7) Wow, it’s been thirteen years. You’ve been there every step of the way, practically since i was born. We drift a lot and make new friends, but we always find our way back to each other. You’re the only other person i would do absolutely anything for, in a second. You’ve never disappointed me like all the rest. That means so much to me. When it comes to our friendship, I know that it’s going to last forever, and i can’t say that about anyone else. I consider you my sister, you know me inside and out. You know every little detail and every last secret about me, because you were there when the secrets were formed and when i became those details that define me. You helped make me into who i am today. Nothing and no one compares to you. Thanks for everything, I love you with all that i am. Thirteen years and counting<3

8) You and me are like movie best friends. Always finishing each others sentences, always laughing at jokes that no one else gets, and obsessed with boys haaah.<3 You’re not like a best friend, you’re like an expansion of myself. I can be my complete self around you. When we fight, it’s over ridiculous crap that lasts five minutes maximum. I’m so lucky to have a friend like you. You know what i’m thinking just by looking at my face, and when i start to say something you know exactly what i mean. You’ve always been there for me, sticking up for me and helping me over the last year. It was a hard year, and i can never repay you for getting me through. You have a heart of gold, i know that’s corny but you’re the nicest person i’ve ever met. I’m jealous of your personality, it’s so open and loving. I wish i could be more like that. I love you so much. BEST FRIENDS FO’ EVAAA NIGGGA !

9) Fuck you. Ahah. I don’t know why i ever started talking to you again. You’re gross. Ugh what was i thinking? I knew you’d screw me over. I hope you’re happy, cause, honestly, i am. I would never even consider talking to you again, bah. You’re so stupid haha, you think you’re so cool and so popular. You’re not! I don’t know what people see in you, what i saw in you. I’m so glad we’re finished.

10) You are so cuuuute! It makes me mad you never talk to me! I’ve had a class with you all year and i’ve just now noticed you. I don’t know how to start talking to you though.. Ugh. I really want to date you. Haaah. (:

11) You’re really cute. But you’re an ass hole. It’s not always easy being mean to you though. aijhdshdihsidBahhh!

12) Daamn, i don’t know what it is about you. You’re not really that cute, i don’t know what i was thinking… But still, when you talk to me i can’t help but smile, even though you treat every girl that way. I’m dissapointed when you’re absent and i look forward to seeing you everyday. Yet the thought of dating you repulses me…

13) You are cute! Why do you let her treat you like you’re worthless? Stand up for yourself. You guys used to be cute together but then you broke up, most couples do! So you try to get her back, and it doesn’t work. That’s when you need to allow yourself to move on. You can’t try to force someone to like you and by trying to force her she is forcing herself which causes her to be a total bitch to you. Stop waiting for something that isn’t going to happen. As i said you’re cute and there’s plenty of other girls out there.

14) It’s not fair of you to treat him that way^ He doesn’t deserve that. If you don’t like him, you don’t like him. You can’t keep leading him on. You say you’re unsure and haven’t made up your mind but that’s not fair to keep him waiting while you’re off flirting with every guy under the sun to see if you find someone better. Even if he is “sensitive” or “annoying”, you need to make a choice. You don’t deserve to be miserable and stuck in a relationship and you know, neither does he.

15) I honestly can’t even explain to you how i felt when i read that text message. I tried to open up and share with you something that i had never told anyone else. I was trying to allow you to be my very best friend again, i was trying to trust you. I could almost see that you didn’t want to talk to me about it but i figured it just made you sad. But for you to bitch to your boyfriend that you don’t like hanging out with me cause i “talk about stuff.” That is pathetic. He was my dad. My Dad. I could only imagine what you’d be saying if you lost yours. I hardly ever talk to anyone about it and you couldn’t be there for me for two minutes. Don’t worry though, I’ll never ask you again. I’ll never trust you with anything like that again.

16) I haven’t known you for very long, and we got off to a weird start. I felt like we were almost.. pressured into being best friends. But being a best friend is not the same thing as simply calling someone your best friend. At first, i was just calling you my best friend. I liked you, but i couldn’t see us ever becoming close. Since then you have really earned my respect as well as my trust. You are loyal and the only person i know that i can actually count on to keep my secrets safe. You have put up with a lot more then you deserve and you are just an all-around good person. Now, when i call you my best friend, I mean it. You’re not exactly what i’m used to, but i think that’s what i’ve grown to like most about you. I hope we keep growing closer throughout the years to come.

17) I saw it coming, so i don’t know why i was disappointed when you ended up being exactly as i feared you would be. It took a lot for me to tell you my honest feelings, i was scared out of my mind when i finally told you. And you said it was okay, that you understood! HA! If you really understood, if it was really okay, you wouldn’t have kept asking me, kept trying to pressure me.. I said no. And that should have been enough. I don’t know why i was stupid enough to think you actually cared. It became so clear in a matter of seconds, you’re just another stupid boy looking to get as much as he can and then get out. I don’t know why i thought you’d be different, i knew i had to be cautious from the start. Well, go ahead, run to your little friends and tell them what happened between us. Run and tell bryce you got farther then he did at that stupid party. Congrats. And in some weird way, i still felt guilty seeing your reaction when i told you i wouldn’t be able to hang out anymore. I felt guilty. Me. As if it were my fault..

18) I didn’t mean to hurt you. Honestly, I never meant for that to happen. I stayed miserable for days just to prevent that from happening. It was useless though, I knew i was going to in the end. I don’t know what happened. I liked you, a lot. I was so happy, every time you texted me a huge smile would rip across my face, every time we were together i got butterflies.. And then it all just went away. My feelings were gone, just like that. I think it had something to do with us being in a relationship, my actions suggest i’m not able to handle those at this point. I’m really hoping that changes. But i still feel awful about how things ended between us. You are truly one of the nicest guys i’ve ever met, perfect boyfriend material. You’re everything i wanted in a guy. I just don’t know what went wrong, what changed. And i’m sorry. Really sorry. I wasn’t even brave enough to tell you in person. I still care about you. And i miss talking to you. I hate how awkward things were that day. I hope we are able to move past this, cause i never would have started this if i knew things would end up the way they did.

19) I feel threatened by you and I don’t know why! You’re younger then me! So, i mean i obviously have the upperhand. But i still feel threatened. And it really, really bothers me, cause what if you are ‘cooler’? You’re younger! How embarrassing is that.

20) I’ve always wanted to be friends with you. Just like every other girl that isn’t friends with you. Well, not you really, but your whole group. The “popular” group. It’s just like it is in movies, I never noticed before cause i was always in the popular group. But now i’m at a whole new place, with all new people and I know no one. I’m on your territory. And i want in.

21) I feel like you care about them more then you care about me. And it hurts a lot. You mean so much to me but it seems like i don’t mean as much to you. I hate that. It feels like I’m putting myself out there, or something.. I don’t know. It just scares me because I know if you ever had to choose, no matter what you say, you wouldn’t choose me.

22) I definitely hate you. I’ve hated you for a long time. It just kept building and building, growing and growing until it overcame all the things I liked about you. I let you push me around for too long, you can’t just walk all over people like that and expect things to stay the same. I hadn’t realized it had this big of an effect on me but i can’t say i’m surprised. When i think about all the things I’ve forgiven you for, it amazes me. Seperately they don’t seem like much, but when you put it all together I really can’t believe we stayed friends for this long. There were a lot of good times, i will admit. Unfortunately they do not trump all the bad ones. I really hope i stick with this decision, unlike all the other times. I really don’t want to be your friend anymore.

23) After all we went through, we are finally speaking again. If you count facebook, that is. Every time you comment or like one of my statuses i start to smile. I don’t understand it. When i’m talking to you i know i am flirting, and i can’t wait for you to respond. When i see you in the halls I feel myself getting nervous even though it’s the same greetings everytime. I say hey, you nod, we keep walking. Lame. But even so, i look forward to running into you. I think i’m crazy. I broke up with YOU. Why do i still have these feelings? Where did they come from? Why didn’t i feel this way when we were more then a couple facebook conversations and a head nod? I wish i didn’t care. I wish i could stop these feelings from returning. I wish i didn’t miss you.

24) I don’t know what kind of game you’re playing or what it is you were hoping to achieve. If you were trying to make me feel the way I made you feel, you did. So congratulations, you win. I thought we were finally getting back to a good place, that our relationship was going back to the way it was before everything happened between us. It’s obvious to me now that I was wrong. I was just another one of the girls I had watched you befriend and leave time and time again. I wish I could say that doesn’t bother me, but it does. Even though I made a mess of things, I still liked you a lot. But I realize now you were at a very different place then I was. So we’re even now. Feel better? Cause I don’t.

25) I know I’m probably being paranoid. I know that i’m overanalyzing and worrying about nothing. But on the off chance that my doubts become reality, I don’t know if I could handle it. I’m tired of starting to feel something for someone and then having it end all too quickly. Cause even though it might not be a big deal to you, it is to me. And I will think about it and you for months and months after. I would prefer to never have started anything with you if this is how it’s going to be. I already started imagining what it would be like.. I knew it was too good to be true. I’m never even going to see you anymore and you didn’t even talk to me in person as it was before. Now you’re sending me these boring texts and I feel like something is off. My friends all tell me I’m being ridiculous but if you turn out to be exactly what I’m thinking, I really don’t know what I’ll do. Please prove to be different from all the rest… Please please please.

26) So you did turn out to be different. ^ And although right now I don’t think things are going to work out between us, you’re a good guy and i don’t regret talking to you. I really do know somewhere deep down that it’s my fault things are going this way, and that you’re probably wondering why i haven’t texted you* first for once.. Well truuuuuth is, i’m too scared to show i care and it’s ruining it for me but there’s really nothing i can do at this point. I’m just waiting to finally grow up and be able to be myself and actually text people first. I sound ridiculous just typing that. I’m sorry if i ever made you feel like i don’t care.. I do care. A lot. Way more then i’m sure you would have ever thought and 1000 x more then you do. I just don’t know how to show it… YET. I’ll get there some day though. And i definitely wouldn’t mind if you all of a sudden decided to text me and we hung out again and actually kissed this time. Yeah, i’d be cool with that. This last part i don’t really want to ever say to you, i just want to remember what i was thinking at the end of that night..
Fifteeen Taylor Swift- “Then you’re on your very first daaaaaaate and he’s got a car and you feel like flyyyyyyyyyyyin’. And your momma’s waitin’ up. And you’re thinkin’ he’s the one. And you’re dancin’ ’round your room when the night ends.. when the night ends” FREAKIN PERFECT. just saying.